The One Armed Bandit . . and it ain’t Vegas Baby

By one-armed bandit I don’t mean one of those ubiquitous slot machines in Vegas

Rows of the One Armed Bandits

Nope, yours truly is the one-armed bandit in this story.  And I’m  .  .let me think .  .mad, sad, frustrated and bored. 

Two weeks ago I was volunteering at the Deep Cove Dragonboat Regatta –  spent the day hauling people safely in and out of boats from the steep drop Deep Cove dock.  Then we loaded all the gear into trucks and as I was heading back to my car . .  .disaster.   I tripped on a tree root and went down hard on a concrete retaining wall.   Landed hard on my right hand and wrist and gave myself a good bump on the chin.   After several hours at Emergency, I had a livid bruise on my chin (but all my teeth and no broken bones) and a very painfully sprained hand/wrist.   Morphine is a great thing, let me say, and does qualify you for a week off work.

Fast forward a week or so .  .the massive swelling has gone down, I can move my fingers (heartfelt sigh of relief) and I’m off the hardcore painkillers.  A couple more medical visits and the diagnosis/prognosis is torn ligaments and tendons in my right hand and wrist that will take another 5 weeks to heal, along with a hairline fracture on the side of my hand.   Nice, very nice.  [insert a lot of loud cuss words here].   The offending limb is strapped up in a brace for at least 3 more weeks and then I can gradually start using it again.   [insert more loud cuss words]

Here is a list of things I can do with only one left hand. . . pretty much nothing.

Ma glamorous brace

The list of things I can’t do is way longer . . .pretty much everything.  I can’t type, I had to peck this out with 2 fingers on my left hand . . but hey, I do have time on my hands.   I can’t paddle, run, swordfight, do yoga, go to bootcamp. . . you get the picture.  The very time I could seriously use a big endorphin high – no such luck.  I can sit on the couch watching TV .  . .no endorphins there.   But I’m open to suggestions . . .

I also have to brush my teeth left-handed, can’t blow-dry my hair and have nearly poked both of my eyes out trying to apply mascara.  I can’t open cans or jars or cut anything with a knife.  I love my homemade, fresh, organic food, but it’s convenience food all the way for me now.  I had a beer and some nacho chips for dinner tonight – seriously.

Other shit I can’t do:  open the car door with the keys in my hand – you need both hands – same goes for the door to my house.   Dig anything out of my purse while I’m holding it.  Driving left-handed – only for short neighborhood jaunts, but at least I’ve figured that out.   My garden needs cleaning and the spring plants put in – hahaha, good laugh.  Car is dirty  off to the car wash.  I did manage to give the dog a bath, but only coz I’m really stubborn.

And what do I do for a living – I TYPE!  [insert waaaay more cuss words].  Luckily I work for a great company and they are all being super understanding and helpful.   I now have DragonSpeak, voice recognition software, installed and I dictate most of the work I do.  It actually works surprisingly well, and it’s better than this hideously painful, time-consuming 2 finger pecking.  

Usually I’d be happy to catch up on some movies and reading, but I’m so mad and frustrated about this that I can’t seem to settle to a good book.  I have to find some serenity.  

Well, that’s my big self-serving rant.   I am violating all orders to rest my wrist and feeling a bit guilty.

I’m waiting for a couple of good local shows – at least I can still stand and listen to music.  I can’t wait for Shaun Verrault and Wide Mouth Mason to get back to Vancouver with their new album.  Here is a great new song, I Love Not Loving You Anymore..  Can’t wait to see it live.


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