Manscaping: Trimming the Topiary

WARNING:  This post may contain words and images that offend some people, especially those with no sense of humour or who are squeamish at the thought of zapping their family jewels with lasers.  Don’t say you weren’t warned.

I laughed so hard,  I couldn’t believe it earlier this week when the  lovely ladies at Vancouver’s Urban Body Laser posted a contest on their Facebook site for some lucky guy to win a “Balls n All” laser hair removal package.   Here is what they posted, complete with pictures:

JUNE 1ST…. WE WILL BE GIVING AWAY A FREE LASER HAIR REMOVAL PACKAGE FOR THE BALLS AND ALL!! PLEASE EMAIL US (OR HAVE YOUR PARTNER EMAIL) AND LET US KNOW WHY YOU DESERVE TO WIN. THE PERSON WHO COMES UP WITH THE MOST CREATIVE EXPLANATION WILL BE THE ONE TO LOSE THE RAZOR WITH THE LASER!! AND DON’T WORRY, THE WINNER WILL NOT BE POSTED ON FACEBOOK!! 🙂 KEEP YOU EYES OPEN FOR MORE DETAILS…VALUED AT $1000-$3000….PRICING DEPENDS ON THE “SIZE” OF THE AREA!! 😛
 
There were some hilarious comments, including at least one from a guy who freely admitted to having this done and “enjoying the compliments of his partners” and another one from a gal who said that if her ex got it done “the value would be $4 his package was that small”.    OMG.   You can’t make this stuff up.
 
This got me thinking about the whole subject of “manscaping” that modern (or is it?) phenomenon that has a lot of previously hirsute guys trimming their topiary.   Off to run a quick Google search and what pops up in my search engine – literally hundreds of “how to” sites.    The very informative site AskMen.com writes:
What once was the concern of bodybuilders, models and porn stars is now a question every man must consider. To shave or not to shave? To suffer the laughter and ridicule of a woman or the outrageous gasps of teammates in the gym showers? For every man that has shaved his face in the shower there has been a moment when the razor seemed to lure him to take his clean-shaven look further.
Old School Manscaping
 
Most of the sites were proponents of some careful grooming:  there were how to videos on creating that perfect “scruffy, after-5” facial hair, a lot on getting rid of back hair – something I totally agree with – and quite a bit on shaving and/or trimming chest hair.  One site offered the bon mot that if your chest hair was long enough to wrap around your finger, it should be trimmed.    Prevailing sentiment on whether to go completely smooth with chest hair was split  – I think I need to do a bit more research before I come up with a definitive personal opinion!!
 
But on the subject of  taking care of the hair down there – the full “balls n all” wasn’t garnering a lot of support.   But I have to say the euphemisms cracked me up . . . .”getting the twins a buzz”, “trimming Tiny Tim’s Topiary”, “taking a blade to your blade”  and it just went on.   And why would the guys want to “edge out the happy trail”?  From what I could gather the ONLY reason was to appeal to women.   Apart from looking cleaner and neater, “making your junk look bigger” was the Number #1 reason for trimming the topiary.   The thought crossed my mind that this could be, in a sense, false advertising, since appearance is one thing, but the only real “measure of the yardstick” is in the performance . . . just a thought. 
 
The methods for achieving this smooth look were multiple; waxing was popular for chest and back but a lot less popular for the nether regions.   Shaving was also popular for all areas, but there were issues of ingrown hairs and stubbly, itchy regrowth, something most of the ladies will be very familiar with!   Laser hair removal, or “lightening around the thunderstick” is relatively new, but apparently growing in popularity.   I would have thought that the idea of getting your private parts zapped with a laser would make most guys wilt at the knees – I’ve had laser hair removal and it’s not painless, no matter what they tell you, and there is the horrible smell of burning hair . . . .  Anyhow, apparently this is not the biggest fear.  To quote from the Balls n All brochure on  Urban Body Lasers website:
One of the biggest concerns among men is the fear of getting an erection during treatment. While some men do get an erection, it has nothing to do with sexual arousal. It is simply a physiological response, as the heat of the laser increases blood flow to the area.  Rest assured that our technicians do not touch your private parts. Men are required to hold and adjust their own shaft and testicles during treatment.
And I don’t think I have a single thing to add to that conversation stopper.   I did come across the hilarious U of Andy on YouTube and he has, of course, a manscaping video. I laughed so hard I choked on my coffee.    Have a great weekend, and if you or your partner think this is something you would go for, Like UBL on Facebook and sign up for their promo!!!
 
 
 
 
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2 thoughts on “Manscaping: Trimming the Topiary

  1. Thanks for the comment, it’s great to get the male perspective on this subject, which was certainly a lot of fun to research and write about. I am glad your wife appreciates all your efforts!

  2. I have been manscaping for some time now. In the begining I was a little nervous about it and started small. Just a little around the tool then more and more. I now shave it all except a small strip above my shaft. I shave my stomach and back. I then trim everything else short. In the warm weather states it keeps me cool. After a short period of time I’ve got use to it and now don’t know what I would it I had to grow it all back. My wife likes it too.

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