The Dealbreaker List (Part 2 – the actual annoted list)

My last post was so long, I had to break it down, so here is Part 2 of the Dealbreaker list . .

Dealbreaker Lists are really popular in blogland.    A surprising number of woman have these lists of things they say are dealbreakers in any prospective relationship.   And online dating sites (not that I’d’ know personally . .  .hahahaha) abound with them.    All the must have’s, and must likes, categories and filters.

And while the details may vary slightly, the themes remain the same – the women are looking for good, solid, reliable, financially and emotionally stable husbands and fathers.  Most of the dating blogs are written by women in their late 20’s and early 30’s and what I have come to realize is that what is important to them is completely different from what is important to me, someone who is (slightly, but not much) older, hopefully a bit wiser and most assuredly not looking for husband or father material.     Even on the dating sites, it’s all about either “finding your soulmate” or hooking up for an “intimate encounter”.   And everyone has their list.   Not that I’d know .  . .but I read it somewhere . . .research for my blog . . .  .

The list below is from 1000 Days of Celibacy on Blogspot.  I’ve added my comments below each item in italics.

My Next Boyfriend:

1. Must Live Alone. No roommates. No parents. No excuses why MY house must become his second home and why I was never allowed to step foot in his bedroom… Hmmm…

Hmm, I like my house;  I know exactly when the sheets were changed, the shower was cleaned and I have a great cappuccino machine.  And then he has to deal with getting home at 6am . . .so I don’t care if he lives with his granny and 3 cats – ok, maybe I would but you get the picture – my place is just fine.

2. Must have a job. A Good Job. He has to make enough to take me out for dinner – not lobster, but Denny’s isn’t doing it.

How do you define a “good” job? What you get paid is no barometer.   What I would not respect is if he was doing something he hated just for the money and then was bitter about it.  I would probably draw the line at panhandler, but there are lots of great guys doing what they love or what they are talented at, not making a whole lot of money, but they are happy.  THAT is way more important.  And for dinner and money, see 4. below.

3. Must not be selfish. This is a tough one, it’s like finding a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Must not be a selfish lover – otherwise I really don’t care  – I’m only in for good time, not a long time. But a selfish lover is a dealbreaker!

4. Must buy dinner for at least the first 3 dates. Again. Pot of gold.

Really?   Well, I earn  enough to pay for my own dinners if I choose to go out.  Or maybe I’ll buy him dinner.  That would be kind of fun.  Very Sex in the City.  I could get into that actually now that I think about it . . a kept man . . hmmm, very interesting.

5. Must initiate “The Talk” within 3 Months – ON HIS OWN.

I’m not even sure what “The Talk” is, but if it’s that one about committing and getting serious, I hope he never initiates it and if he does I’ll be out the door in about 3 seconds.

6. Must like to fish or be willing to fish.

I don’t care if he likes my hobbies – they are mine and I have friends that I do them with.  And as long as he doesn’t expect to indulge his hobbies (like watching 10 hours of sports on TV) at my place, I don’t really expect to be involved in his or for him to be involved in mine.  Well except music . . .a musical Neanderthal would be a dealbreaker for me.

7. Must have sense of humor…or at least understand mine.

Ok, I’m down with this one.  Make me laugh, I’m a friend forever.  If I’m bored, mad or sad – I’m outta there.

8. Must be willing to become a partner in both business and life.

Not even on my radar.  I have my own business and my own life.  Must be fun and entertaining – that about covers it for me.  Oh and maybe willing to occasionally stay up all night getting crazy – that would be good.

9. Must bring something to the table…and not take away.

My list would be short of what he’d need to bring . . .but short would not be a favourable attribute . . .

10. Must be willing to communicate (text/call/email) at least once every two days.

God, spare me.  I’m busy, I have my own life.  Post something on Facebook so I know you are alive.  But don’t bug me all the time I have things to do.  If I need to get in touch with him, I will.   Oh and late night texts . . totally acceptable.

11. Must enjoy traveling.

Must appreciate traveling, but not necessarily want to do it with me.  And most definitely  must not care that I travel a lot with friends and go on crazy rock star road trips . . .

12. Must want a serious relationship.

Shoot me in the face.

13. Must not have any major inner demons – alcoholism, latent homosexuality, manic depression.

I’ll give her this one – but mostly because I don’t want to deal with it.  If he can keep it well hidden or otherwise under my radar – then it’s not a dealbreaker.    Well except jealousy – THAT would be a dealbreaker for me.

14. Must not have an overbearing mother.

Please God that I NEVER have to meet his mother.

15. Must be open-minded.

ABSOLUTELY!!!!

16. Must be gracious – my love can be bought…for the right price.

Gracious means something else to me – it’s not about money.   My love can only be given away freely by me, there is no price tag.  But I appreciate kindness and old fashioned manners – that’s graciousness for me.

#17  – Must be a simple man capable of love.

Capable of love is good, but so is being mercurial, complicated, moody, unpredictable – it’s keeps things interesting.  After all, I only want to date him, not marry him.

What I have come to realize from this little exercise is that my expectations in dating land are a bit, well, unusual and I have no idea how that is going to work out. . . but I’ll keep you posted, because I’m out there giving it a try.

I’m sitting watching the Juno’s while finishing up this post and the best performance of the night so far was, hands down, Down With Webster.   They brought enthusiasm, energy and a fantastic show.   I just LOVE it when kids get up there and kick ass on a show like this . . . which has been otherwise way too CBC for my taste.   Here they are with Time to Win – it’s give you some idea of the crazy energy their shows have.

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